the love of beautiful things is heavenly homesickness

I only post here what I can't speak aloud elsewhere.

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:14:28 GMT

You think you have known me.
You think you can hold me.
You think you still own me,

But I'm not about to let you back in.
And I'm convinced that I can begin again.
I will begin again.

feeling

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 19:37:18 GMT

Music makes me feel things.
Sometimes I want to feel and can't.
Other times I don't want to and do.

Like now. I don't want to feel any longings.
I shouldn't have listened to this playlist.
It makes me feel.

these Things

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:39:12 GMT

The storm subsides.
The air is warm and still,
sticking to my skin.
As I inhale the lingering scent of rain,
I think of these Things I hold;
these Things belonging to you which I gladly kept,
and now - don't know where to put.

Do You?

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 04:15:08 GMT

Do you want to be my one and only love?
That seems to be the question these days.

But how does it happen?
How does someone relinquish her heart when it's not whole?
Like it was painted red. And the paint was scraped off - the chips blown quickly away, scattered by the wind.

Where are they now, the pieces of scraped-off heart? In memories sweet. Moments that shouldn't be remembered.

What do you do with the songs that remind you of someone? Or places? Do you pledge faithfulness to someone new and forget them on purpose? Is it easy?

Do you want to be my one and only love?
It's been asked before - but rarely with words.

my mind

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 05:48:47 GMT

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sad blah blah blah lies blah blah
blah hope blah blah blah blah lies blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sad
blah sad blah blah lies blah blah lies blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah sad blah blah blah blah blah blah blah lies blah blah
blah lies blah blah blah blah blah blah hope blah blah blah sad blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah lies blah blah
blah lies blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sad blah
sad blah blah hope blah blah blah blah blah lies blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sad blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah lies blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sad blah blah blah HOPE

an introduction

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 20:04:23 GMT

Olivia Camille Montgomery was a slight woman with smooth, olive-colored skin and creamy green eyes. Someone once said they were like small lagoons, the depths of which revealed stories that would never escape her lips. And oh, there were stories, but unless you were filled with yellowed pages and covered by a worn leather binding, you would never hear of them.

Portland People 1

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 18:57:21 GMT

Green Peace Girl:

Spunky blonde pigtails, a silver half-hoop through the middle of her nose, multi-colored plaid capri pants, and an oversized polo shirt the color of neon lime – these were quick, passer-by observations regarding Green Peace Girl. After seating myself at a table nearby though, I was awarded the opportunity for further observation.

Hey guys! How are you? You look like the kind of people who support Green Peace! … Hey, how are you?! Which would you rather save: a tree or a polar bear? … Hi! I’ll make you a trade – a cup of coffee for a baby polar bear!

Each of these pleas was accompanied by a winning smile and what seemed like genuine enthusiasm. GPG would spot someone a ways down the sidewalk and begin her sunny spiel before they got within 10 feet of her. This of course was to ensure they heard the entire thing. Half the time though, they wouldn’t even notice she was addressing them until she got to the part about the polar bear. It didn’t stop her. Even the most formidable of characters were approached and greeted with the energy of a wound up puppy.

I began to wonder if she was tired of speaking in her upper register. There were so many exclamatory questions that all her sentences ended on a high note – and since they began on a high note too, there was nowhere to go but higher. At least she occasionally altered the rhythm of her statements. Her inflection was a little different each time and I would imagine she did it for her own sake – so as not to go crazy saying the exact same thing in the exact same way a few thousand times.

As if there was a light switch attached to her smile, those walking toward her switched it on (when switched on, this thing had some serious wattage), and then off when they passed. Her cheeks must have started hurting.

I sat there for an hour and saw 3 people stop and talk with her – only one of which actually signed up to save the world. Poor Green Peace Girl. She’s got a lot of gumption.

just got back

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 09:04:00 GMT

from a pipe smoke with RyMan, a.k.a. the brother unit. he instructed me that pipe smoking is primarily meant for being quiet and reflective. so we sat under the stars by the fire pit and experienced reflection. it was quite nice.

tribute to Allison Nicole Closner

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 23:18:18 GMT

Today I ran errands with Allie. Driving with one hand on the wheel and another holding my DQ twist cone, we rolled the windows down and listened to punk rock at deafening volumes. I like her.

hot dogs and s'mores beneath stars with grandparents

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 10:48:13 GMT

:: SUMMER LIST OF EVENTS THUS FAR ::

- made a mix cd.
- avoided unpacking.
- watched movies with brother.
- drove with windows down.
- interviewed for old job.
- roasted dinner over a fire.
- hung out with grandparents.
- e-mailed parents [in honduras].
- attended improv night at clinton theatre.
- looked at stars.
- missed seattle.
- remained broke.

all across the city

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 11:08:06 GMT

Tonight, as I was heading back to lonely Ashton, the music from a local jazz station seeped into my consciousness like the gradual steeping of tea. As the sounds became more potent, their effect was almost hypnotic and I decided to keep driving rather than go back alone to an empty parking lot. I soaked in the slow, easy brushstroke beat, melancholy saxophone and molasses-rich bass line.

Finding myself driving slowly down a neighborhood street on Queen Anne, I came to a stop behind the baseball field. - The one by the elementary school up there. (Such a clear night!) I saw a beautiful starry sky framed by the furthest reaching branches of the tree under which I had parked my car. (I have never seen a Seattle night sky so full of stars.) I admired what I saw while the music went right on hypnotizing me.

I thought to myself - I'll be back home tomorrow where the horizons are silhouettes of trees, not buildings - And my night skies are always dotted with millions of glimmering white pinpoints. Something about being in the city though, - seeing the myriad of night lights in the distance made me feel like I wasn't alone, even though I was. Then I wondered if every time they flickered, one of Seattle's snoozing inhabitants took a breath.

A moment later, I heard the radio dj announce the piece I was hearing as a "mesmerizing composition by Jim Hall called All Across the City." I smiled quietly to myself and thought it fitting.

tired of wishing you were here already

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 08:48:11 GMT

...

here I am.
there you are.
arms opening;
hearts holding.

in eyes see
love pouring,
soul's aching,
dawn breaking.

come inside my heart;
dry the marks of silent weeping.
take me in your arms;
make me forget -
I'm still sleeping.

...

you sing to me

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 00:49:26 GMT

----------
I'll stay here, love.
I'll stay.
You go now,
Dance on your stage.

Just remember
When the music stops -
I stayed.
I stayed for you.
-----------

every day

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 07:04:23 GMT

Choose only 1 out of each pair:

A)Trust
B)Worry

A)Praise
B)Complain

A)Forgive
B)Resent

best words i've heard in awhile - thanks mrs. urbal

Thu, 31 May 2007 01:39:54 GMT

.
excuse me, miss -
why do you so often fall prey
to the enticing delight of a kiss?
.

Thu, 24 May 2007 22:11:29 GMT

...

pale yellow moon
lovely, bright moon

the stars surround
the stars surround

do you ever feel lonely,
being the only

moon around,
moon around?

i suppose that those
twinkling stars make for
plenty of guests at those
galas on Mars -
and yet

you're still alone.

...

Part 1

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 08:13:42 GMT

--------------------------------------

Tossing a used tissue onto a growing pile of germ-infested cotton in the trash can, Holly pulled the blankets up under her chin and with a pitiful sniffle, bemoaned the pressure on her temples that felt like a cold metal clamp gripping her skull. Just before she picked up the remote to resume You've Got Mail, her cell-phone's high-pitched electronic rendition of "Greensleeves" rang loudly by her ear, provoking an irritated moan. It was Nick! Her spirits perked up a little and she smiled.

"Hello?" she croaked.
"Hey, you." came the warm, rumbling voice on the other end. "How's my little invalid?"
She pathetically replied,
"I'm doing better" as she erupted with a body-shaking cough.
"I don't think so." her caretaker said tenderly.
"Why don't you call in sick tomorrow?"
She protested,
"Nick, you know Paula needs me in the morning. There's a ladies' Bible study just after we open and I'm sure they'll all be wanted lattes. Besides, ten o'clock is an early bedtime and by five, I will have gotten a whole seven hours. I'll be ok, really."
He thought for a few moments.
"Well, you'd better get whatever sleep you can - while you can. Will I get to see you before you head back to school?"
She gasped,
"Oh no! Goshdangit, I hadn't even thought about that. My family's leaving tomorrow for the beach and we won't get back until the day I leave! I won't get to see you."

This last sentence caused a break in her voice followed by a few tears of tiredness mixed with disappointment. She whimpered softly, "What will we do?" His answer was quick. "Well, we only have a couple of months before Thanksgiving. We'll see each other soon enough!" He sounded unusually chipper for suggesting such a gruesome situation.

Irritated, she almost barked,
"Well, then I guess I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, you get some rest and feel better, ok?"
"Yeah, alright. Fine." she said bitterly.
"Goodnight." His voice was kind.
She was annoyed and felt abandoned.
"Night."

Dejectedly, Holly sank deeper under the covers and wallowed in her misery. Her head was pounding and the thought of getting up for work in the morning was nearly unbearable. Why had Nick been so cavalier about not getting to say goodbye? She probably shouldn't have been so short with him, but he didn't seem to care. In any case, whether her physical state affected it or not, she had been rude to him. "I should call back and apologize" she resolved. But before she could pick up the phone again, a wave of fatigue washed over her and her eyelids closed in exhaustion.

----------------------------------------

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 18:09:02 GMT

and the rain came tumbling down

out of sorts

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 21:32:05 GMT

It's strange to what extent one can let another affect her feelings of value. It's also strange that so little can make sense and yet she expects to understand it all.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 21:06:42 GMT

Hello rain puddle,
Looks like I've dropped in again.
Are we not well acquainted?
Sometimes I pretend
I've meant to, but really
I'm not fond of your wetness.

ask me why

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 06:43:16 GMT

I am Anne.

when I'm home:

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 11:33:39 GMT

I stay up too late
soaking it in.
Just me
in my house,
in my room,
in my memories.

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 09:28:07 GMT

-

she's got a heart, they say
you'll find it on her sleeve
she's prone to make believe
and dreaming

if you ask, some say
her life's a work of fiction
a meaningless depiction
of sentimental cliches

hey, young lover
you'd better slow down
abandon your chase
all you've got is today

trapped in pictures, they say
snapshots from her magazines
waltzing down european streets
she isn't really here

imagination's a haven, she says
and he, of course, will be to me
exactly as I've always dreamed
he's not here yet

a paperback love affair
clearly, it's going nowhere
cause she's waiting on page 214
no different than the opening scene
where she's alone
and she doesn't know how to cope

hey, young lover
you'd better slow down
abandon your chase
all you've got is today

-

pleasant thought

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:31:59 GMT

...

The home of my daydreams is a small cottage made of stone by the ocean. Past the gate around my garden yard is a lane masquerading as a road. My bicycle serves as the best method of transportation - and the most enjoyable on a sunny day. Parallel to the lane are sand dunes covered in tall green grass, guarding the sparkling blue sea just beyond. Maybe I'll take a picnic in a wicker basket and read Lucy Maud Montgomery.

...

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 06:32:54 GMT

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